gypsy
MAN on the PAN
the ant & the grasshopper
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CLASSIC VERSION:
The ant works hard in the withering heat all summer long, building his
house and laying up supplies for the winter. The grasshopper thinks
he's a fool, and laughs and dances and plays the summer away.
Come winter, the ant is warm and well fed. The shivering grasshopper
has no food or shelter, so he dies, out in the cold.
THE END
>THE BRITISH VERSION:
The ant works hard in the withering heat all summer long, building his
house and laying up supplies for the winter. The grasshopper thinks
he's a fool, and laughs and dances and plays the summer away. Come
winter, the ant is warm and well fed. So far, so good?
The shivering grasshopper calls a press conference and demands to know
why the ant should be allowed to be warm and well fed while others less
fortunate, like himself, are cold and starving.
The BBC shows up to provide live coverage of the shivering grasshopper,
with cuts to a video of the ant in his comfortable warm home in
Hampstead with a table laden with food.
The British are stunned that in a country of such wealth, this poor
grasshopper is allowed to suffer so while others have plenty.
The Respect Party, the Transvestites With Starving Babies Party and the
Coalition Against Poverty demonstrate in front of the ant's house. The
BBC, interrupting a Rastafarian cultural festival special from Grimsby
with breaking news, broadcasts them singing "We Shall Overcome".
Ken Livingstone laments in an interview with Panorama that the ant has
got rich off the backs of grasshoppers, and calls for an immediate tax
hike on the ant to make him pay his "fair share".
In response, the Labour Government drafts the Economic Equity and
Grasshopper Anti-Discrimination Act, retroactive to the beginning of
the summer.
The ant's taxes are re-assessed, and he is also fined for failing to
hire grasshoppers as helpers.
Without enough money to pay his fine and his newly imposed retroactive
taxes, his home is confiscated by Camden Council.
The ant moves to France, and starts a successful agribiz company,
funded by the EU.
The BBC later shows the now fat grasshopper finishing up the last of
the ant's food, though spring is still months away, while the
Government-provided house he's in, which just happens to be the ant's
old house, crumbles around him because he hasn't bothered to maintain it.
Inadequate government funding is blamed. Diane Abbot is appointed to
head a commission of enquiry, which will cost around ?10,000,000, to
investigate the circumstances.
The grasshopper is soon dead of a drug overdose. The Guardian blames
this on the obvious failure of Government to address the root causes of
despair arising from pressing social inequity.
The abandoned house is then taken over by a gang of immigrant spiders,
praised by the Government for enriching Britain's multicultural
diversity, who promptly set-up marijuana growing operations and
terrorise the community.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
CLASSIC VERSION:
The ant works hard in the withering heat all summer long, building his
house and laying up supplies for the winter. The grasshopper thinks
he's a fool, and laughs and dances and plays the summer away.
Come winter, the ant is warm and well fed. The shivering grasshopper
has no food or shelter, so he dies, out in the cold.
THE END
>THE BRITISH VERSION:
The ant works hard in the withering heat all summer long, building his
house and laying up supplies for the winter. The grasshopper thinks
he's a fool, and laughs and dances and plays the summer away. Come
winter, the ant is warm and well fed. So far, so good?
The shivering grasshopper calls a press conference and demands to know
why the ant should be allowed to be warm and well fed while others less
fortunate, like himself, are cold and starving.
The BBC shows up to provide live coverage of the shivering grasshopper,
with cuts to a video of the ant in his comfortable warm home in
Hampstead with a table laden with food.
The British are stunned that in a country of such wealth, this poor
grasshopper is allowed to suffer so while others have plenty.
The Respect Party, the Transvestites With Starving Babies Party and the
Coalition Against Poverty demonstrate in front of the ant's house. The
BBC, interrupting a Rastafarian cultural festival special from Grimsby
with breaking news, broadcasts them singing "We Shall Overcome".
Ken Livingstone laments in an interview with Panorama that the ant has
got rich off the backs of grasshoppers, and calls for an immediate tax
hike on the ant to make him pay his "fair share".
In response, the Labour Government drafts the Economic Equity and
Grasshopper Anti-Discrimination Act, retroactive to the beginning of
the summer.
The ant's taxes are re-assessed, and he is also fined for failing to
hire grasshoppers as helpers.
Without enough money to pay his fine and his newly imposed retroactive
taxes, his home is confiscated by Camden Council.
The ant moves to France, and starts a successful agribiz company,
funded by the EU.
The BBC later shows the now fat grasshopper finishing up the last of
the ant's food, though spring is still months away, while the
Government-provided house he's in, which just happens to be the ant's
old house, crumbles around him because he hasn't bothered to maintain it.
Inadequate government funding is blamed. Diane Abbot is appointed to
head a commission of enquiry, which will cost around ?10,000,000, to
investigate the circumstances.
The grasshopper is soon dead of a drug overdose. The Guardian blames
this on the obvious failure of Government to address the root causes of
despair arising from pressing social inequity.
The abandoned house is then taken over by a gang of immigrant spiders,
praised by the Government for enriching Britain's multicultural
diversity, who promptly set-up marijuana growing operations and
terrorise the community.
